Chapstick

We had this great 10 year old cat named Jack who just recently died.

Jack was a great cat and the kids would carry him around and sit on him and nothing ever bothered him. He used to hang out and nap all day long on the mat in our bathroom. We have 3 kids and at the time of this story they were 4 years old, 3 years old and 1 year old. The middle one is Eli. Eli really loved chapstick. LOVED it. He kept asking to use my chapstick and then losing it. Finally one day I showed him where in the bathroom I keep my chapstick and explained he could use it whenever he wanted to but he needed to put it right back in the drawer after he finished.

That year on Mother's Day, we were having the typical rush around and try to get ready for church with everyone crying and carrying on. My two boys are fighting over the toy in the cereal box. I am trying to nurse my little one at the same time I am putting on my make-up. Everything is a mess and everyone has long forgotten that this is a wonderful day to honor me and the amazing job that is motherhood.

We finally have the older one and the baby loaded in the car and I am looking for Eli. I have searched everywhere and I finally go into the bathroom. There was Eli. He was applying my chapstick very carefully to Jack's . . . rear end. Eli looked right into my eyes and said "chapped." Now if you have a cat, you know that he is right -their little bottoms do look pretty chapped. And, frankly, Jack didn't seem to mind. And the only question to ask at that point was whether it was the FIRST time Eli had done that to the cat's behind or the hundredth!?!

And THAT is my favorite Mother's Day moment ever because it reminds us that no matter how hard we try to civilize these glorious little creatures, there will always be that day when you realize they've been using your chapstick on the cat's butt.

Author Unknown

Wonderful Definitions

Thanks to Jeremy!

School:
A place where Papa pays and Son plays.

Life Insurance:
A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich.


Nurse:
A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills.

Marriage:
It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.

Divorce:
Future tense of Marriage.

Tears:
The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine water-power.

Lecture:
An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through 'the minds of either'

Conference:
The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

Compromise:
The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

Dictionary:
A place where success comes before work.

Conference Room:
A place where everybody talks nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.

Father:
A banker provided by nature.

Criminal:
A guy no different from the rest....except that he got caught.

Boss:
Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

Politician:
One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.

Doctor:
A person who kills your ills by pills,and kills you by bills.

Classic:
Books, which people praise, but do not read.

Smile:
A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

Office:
A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

Yawn:
The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

Etc.:
A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

Committee:
Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

Experience:
The name men give to their mistakes.

Atom Bomb:
An invention to end all inventions.

Philosopher:
A fool who torments himself during life, to be wise

The Inanity of A(H1N1)

It's stupid. Anyone who knows anything about this H1N1 thingamus wouldn't panic as much.

Sure, the people involved in this project is highly susceptible and if any of us gets it, we might suffer more than most. However if the thing is, is there really to a need to throw the whole wide world into a panic?

From what I have read and had been briefed, it's not really a type of flu with high fatalities. In fact, a reasonably healthy person would contract the disease and recover with the immunity to the virus. All this excitement due to unnecessary panicking and reports written to play on the minds of people, is just absobloodilutely ridiculous.

I just hoping and praying that if anyone gets sick during this time, it will not be that particular strain of H1N1. Pray hard people, PRAY HARD...

Now, screw it, you scrooge.
Nah, just being random.

Lament of sorts :S

Life brings trouble like honey draws bees,
I Wish I Could turn and never look back.
Nothing's ever right and everything seems wrong
Like it's all my fault

The wind blows by signing rain will come
I want it to caress my face my heart
But the sun come out and the clouds go away
Why does everything seem so out of place?

I want the wind to carry all my fears
I want the rain to camouflage my tears
I want the sun to be able to
make my heart warm again

I want to turn back time to right the wrongs
Whether its mine or not
I wish to forget everything that hurts
but I know all these are impossible to do.

To face it all over again tears my heart asunder
yet this is nothing compared to a suicide attempt
if I don't take this time to heal myself
I will hurt not only me, but everyone else

Remembering something from long ago
is like salt and vinegar to the reopened wound
The disgust, the hurt and the disappointment
only now I know why I am who I am today

I asked your God to help me deal with my grief
little did I realize it came at such a price
For one's passing, many things had to resurface
for one's passing, I understand now why it hurt so much

Not for the happy memories, but for the ones that hurt the most: the forgotten memories
Not for your kindness or your love, but the things we went through together
Not for your companionship but for the irreplaceable loss of it.
Not for my fear of loneliness without you, but loneliness from keeping others away

Opening my armor, I struggled with your God
I don't trust Him enough, not as much as you trusted Him
I know that He is my Sword and Shield, my Eternal Defender
But knowing it in my head, is never the same as knowing in my heart

But above all, I didn't want to see my bloodied soul
Yet He told me in all kindness that
I have to take mu armor because my wounds inside
will fester and cause my soul decay

When I resisted after He said the truth of me
in kindness still He rebuked your child
As I had seek Him and ask for His healing
Yet when He came, I pushed Him away

Slowly and patiently, my armor He takes off
Piece by piece, He removes it from me
I see it was made of useless wood and clay
my body, my body is in a mangled mess.

He washed the grime and dried blood
It hurts like mad when He reopened the wounds to clean them out
When it's too much, He stops and let's me rest
after the wound is cleaned, has medicine on it and and bandaged properly

It was not done, but I ran away again
I didn't want to go through all that again
He is patient, and He waited for me to go back
Why am I so faithless? “Because you're human” He said.

Most of my pathetic armor has been taken off
I am vulnerable, hurt and afraid of everything
but if I can't trust Him, who else can I trust?
So I held on to the helm of His Cloak

Suddenly I feel it wrapped around me
I find myself under His wing
I know I am safe whenever in Him
Although in solitude, I have now a friend

Something in me makes me want to run again
Yet if I run, I'll hurt myself again
What do I have to lose if I abide in Him?
Even if I ran, He will chase after me

How great is your God
For it should be me who chases after Him
Yet it is He who chases after this runaway child of yours
Help my unbelief, O God of my mother
And be my God always and forever.

Of Lawyers, Umpires and Second Husbands

From Arcamax

Lab Lawyers

At a convention of biological scientists, one prominant researcher remarked to another, "Did you know that in our lab we have switched from mice to lawyers for our experiments?"

"Really?" the other researcher replied. "Why did you switch?"

"Well, for three reasons. First we found that lawyers are far more plentiful. Second, the lab assistants don't get so attached to them, and thirdly there are some things even a rat won't do."

===================================================

Umpire Humor

Q: What do umpires and girls have in common?
A: They both make a lot of calls.

Q: What's the difference between a rain barrel and a bad fielder?
A: One catches drops; the other drops catches.

Q: Why did the umpire penalize the chicken?
A: For using fowl language.

Q: What's the difference between an umpire and a pickpocket.
A: One watches steals; the other steals watches.

Q: What do tough teachers and umpires have in common?
A: They penalize you for errors.

===================================================

Sad Man

A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, "Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?"

The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?"

The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied, "My wife's first husband."

ROFL!!!

One For You, One For Me

On the outskirts of town, there was huge nut tree by the cemetery fence. One day two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts. "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me," said one boy. The bucket was so full, several rolled out toward the fence.

Cycling down the road by the cemetery was a third boy. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me." He knew what it was. "Oh my," he shuddered, "It's Satan and St. Peter dividing the souls at the cemetery."

He cycled down the road fast as he could and found an old man with a cane, hobbling along. "Come here quick," said the boy, "You won't believe what I heard. Satan and St. Peter are down at the cemetery dividing the souls." The man said, "Shooo, you brat, can't you see I'm finding it hard to walk as it is."

But after several pleas, the man hobbled to the cemetery. Standing by the fence they heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me..." The old man whispered, "Boy, you've been telling the truth. Let's see if we can see the devil himself."

Shivering with fear, they peered through the fence, yet they were still unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of Satan.

At last they heard, "One for you, one for me. And one last one for you. That's all. Now let's go get those nuts by the fence, and we'll be done."

They say the old guy made it back to town five minutes before the boy.

======================================================

Piano Playing Dog

A guy walks into a bar with a small dog. The bartender said, "Get out of here with that dog." The guy said, "But this isn't just any dog. This dog can play the piano."

The bartender replied, "Well, if he can play that piano, you both can stay and have a drink on the house."

So the guy sat the dog on the piano stool, and the dog started playing. Ragtime, Mozart, Philip Glass ... and the bartender and all of the patrons enjoyed the music.

Suddenly a bigger dog ran in, grabbed the small dog by the scruff of the neck, and dragged him out. The bartender asked the guy, "What the heck was that all about?"

The guy replied, "Oh, that was his mother. She wanted him to be a doctor."

Brokenness leads to Blessings

By Dr. Charles Stanley

2 Corinthians 2:7-9

No one enjoys heartache. Yet God uses pain to mold His children. Although wonderful, happy times feel great, times of suffering tend to produce growth.

Brokenness is God's way of dealing with the part of us that wants to act independently of Him. He targets areas that hinder His purposes. Then skillfully and lovingly, our Father arranges circumstances that will allow us enough discomfort to realize our dependence upon Him.

The apostle Paul experienced this. After being saved on the road to Damascus, he still needed spiritual growth in order to be most effective for Christ. Therefore, God allowed some type of affliction, which the apostle termed a "thorn." Three different times, he pleaded with the Lord for its removal, but the thorn remained. Remarkably, Paul's response was gratitude. Even more, he wrote, "That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong" (2 Cor. 12:10).

Like Paul, we can dislike suffering and yet still be confident that God is growing us. His purpose is that we walk in intimate oneness with Him and serve effectively according to His purpose and will. To accomplish this, He has to break us of our rebellion, resistance, and self-will.

If you truly desire to live for Jesus, trust Him enough to pray, "Lord, more than anything else in life, I want to live for You. Please break me of any areas that are not in complete submission to Your will."

God's Answer

got this from another person's blog. won't mention his site here cos it had some, um...

rather explicit stuff.

===================================================================

WATCH out! You nearly broadsided that car!” my father yelled at me. “Can’t you do anything right?”

Those words hurt worse than blows. I turned my head towards the elderly man in the seat beside me, daring me to challenge him. A lump rose in my throat as I averted my eyes. I wasn’t prepared for another battle.

“I saw the car, Dad. Please don’t yell at me when I’m driving.” My voice was measured and steady, sounding far calmer than I really felt.

Dad glared at me, then turned away and settled back. At home I left Dad in front of the television and went outside to collect my thoughts.

What could I do about him?

Dad had been a lumberjack in the states of Washington and Oregon. He had enjoyed being outdoors and had revelled in pitting his strength against the forces of nature. He had entered gruelling lumberjack competitions, and had placed often. The shelves in his house were filled with trophies that attested to his prowess.

The years marched on relentlessly. The first time he couldn’t lift a heavy log, he joked about it; but later that same day I saw him outside alone, straining to lift it. He became irritable whenever anyone teased him about his advancing age, or when he couldn’t do something he had done as a younger man.

Four days after his 67th birthday, he had a heart attack. An ambulance sped him to the hospital, and Dad was rushed into an operating room. He was lucky; he survived.

But something inside Dad died. His zest for life was gone. He obstinately refused to follow doctor’s orders. Suggestions and offers of help were turned aside with sarcasm and insults. The number of visitors thinned, then finally stopped altogether. Dad was left alone.

My husband Dick and I asked Dad to come live with us on our small farm. We hoped the fresh air and rustic atmosphere would help him adjust. Within a week after he moved in, I regretted the invitation. It seemed nothing was satisfactory. He criticised everything I did. I became frustrated and moody. Soon I was taking my pent-up anger out on Dick. We began to bicker and argue. Alarmed, Dick sought out our pastor and explained the situation. The clergyman set up weekly counselling appointments for us. At the close of each session he prayed, asking God to soothe Dad’s troubled mind. But the months wore on and God was silent. Something had to be done and it was up to me to do it.

The next day I sat down with the phone book and methodically called each of the mental health clinics listed in the Yellow Pages. I explained my problem to each of the sympathetic voices that answered. In vain. Just when I was giving up hope, one of the voices suddenly exclaimed, “I just read something that might help you! Let me go get the article.” I listened as she read. The article described a remarkable study done at a nursing home. All of the patients were under treatment for chronic depression. Yet their attitudes had improved dramatically when they were given responsibility for a dog.

I drove to the animal shelter that afternoon. After I filled out a questionnaire, a uniformed officer led me to the kennels. The odour of disinfectant stung my nostrils as I moved down the row of pens. Each contained five to seven dogs, and I studied each one but rejected one after the other for various reasons too big, too small, too much hair. As I neared the last pen, a dog in the shadows of the far corner struggled to his feet, walked to the front of the run and sat down. It was a pointer, one of the dog world’s aristocrats. But this was a caricature of the breed. Years had etched his face and muzzle with shades of gray. His hipbones jutted out in lopsided triangles. But it was his eyes that caught and held my attention. Calm and clear, they beheld me unwaveringly.

I pointed to the dog. “Can you tell me about him?” The officer looked, then shook his head in puzzlement.

“He’s a funny one. Appeared out of nowhere and sat in front of the gate. We brought him in, figuring someone would be right down to claim him. That was two weeks ago and we’ve heard nothing. His time is up tomorrow.” He gestured helplessly.

As the words sank in I turned to the man in horror. “You mean you’re going to kill him?”

“Ma’am,” he said gently, “that’s our policy. We don’t have room for every unclaimed dog.”

I looked at the pointer again. The calm brown eyes awaited my decision. “I’ll take him,” I said.

I drove home with the dog on the front seat beside me. When I reached the house I honked the horn twice. I was helping my prize out of the car when Dad shuffled onto the front porch.

“Ta-da! Look what I got for you, Dad!” I said excitedly.

Dad looked, then wrinkled his face in disgust. “If I had wanted a dog I would have gotten one. And I would have picked out a better specimen than that bag of bones. Keep it! I don’t want it,” Dad waved his arm scornfully and turned back toward the house.

Anger rose inside me. It squeezed together my throat muscles and pounded into my temples.

“You’d better get used to him, Dad. He’s staying!” Dad ignored me. “Did you hear me, Dad?” I screamed. At those words Dad whirled angrily, his hands clenched at his sides, his eyes narrowed and blazing with hate.

We stood glaring at each other like duellists, when suddenly the pointer pulled free from my grasp. He wobbled towards my dad and sat down in front of him. Then slowly, carefully, he raised his paw.

Dad’s lower jaw trembled as he stared at the uplifted paw. Confusion replaced the anger in his eyes. The pointer waited patiently. Then Dad was on his knees hugging the animal.

It was the beginning of a warm and intimate friendship. Dad named the pointer Cheyenne. Together he and Cheyenne explored the community. They spent long hours walking down dusty lanes. They spent reflective moments on the banks of streams, angling for tasty trout. They even started to attend Sunday services together, Dad sitting in a pew and Cheyenne lying quietly at his feet.

Dad and Cheyenne were inseparable throughout the next three years. Dad’s bitterness faded, and he and Cheyenne made many friends. Then late one night I was startled to feel Cheyenne’s cold nose burrowing through our bed covers. He had never before come into our bedroom at night. I woke Dick, put on my robe and ran into my father’s room. Dad lay in his bed, his face serene. His spirit had left quietly sometime during the night.

Two days later my shock and grief deepened when I discovered Cheyenne lying dead beside Dad’s bed. I wrapped his still form in the rag rug he had slept on. As Dick and I buried him near a favourite fishing hole, I silently thanked the dog for the help he had given me in restoring Dad’s peace of mind.

The morning of Dad’s funeral dawned overcast and dreary. This day looks like the way I feel, I thought, as I walked down the aisle to the pews reserved for family. I was surprised to see the many friends Dad and Cheyenne had made filling the church. The pastor began his eulogy. It was a tribute to both Dad and the dog who had changed his life. And then the pastor turned to Hebrews 13:2. “Be not forgetful to entertain strangers.”

“I’ve often thanked God for sending that angel,” he said.

For me, the past dropped into place, completing a puzzle that I had not seen before: the sympathetic voice that had just read the right article ... Cheyenne’s unexpected appearance at the animal shelter, his calm acceptance and complete devotion to my father... and the proximity of their deaths. And suddenly I understood. I knew that God had answered my prayers after all.

Jokes i heard...

Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it is our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd like to have dinner with.

===============================================

A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother. "Well, how was the honeymoon?" asked the mother. 

"Oh, mama," she replied, "the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic." Suddenly she burst out crying. "But, mama, as soon as we returned, Stan started using the most horrible language. He's been saying things I've never heard before! All these awful four-letter words. You've got to come get me and take me home. Please mama!" 

"Frannie, Frannie," her mother said, "calm down! Tell me, what could be so awful? What four-letter words has he been using?" 

"Please don't make me tell you, mama," wept the daughter, "I'm so embarrassed. They're just too awful! You've got to come get me and take me home. Please mama." 

"Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset. Tell your mother these horrible four-letter words." Still sobbing, the bride replied, "Oh, Mama, words like dust, wash, iron, and cook . . . "

***********************************************************************

At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Austin seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of Adam's rib. Later in the week, Wendy, his mother, noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and asked, "Austin, what's the matter?" 

Little Austin responded, "I have a pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife."

=======================================================

Because I couldn't unplug the toilet with a plunger, I had to dismantle the entire fixture, no small feat for a non- plumber. Jammed inside the drain was Barney the purple rubber dinosaur, which belonged to my five-year-old son. 

I painstakingly got all the toilet parts together again, the tank filled, and I flushed it. However, it didn't work much better than before! As I pondered what to do next, my son walked into the bathroom. I pointed to the purple dinosaur I had just dislodged and told him that the toilet still wasn't working. 

"Did you get Baby Bop (the green one), too?" he asked. 

Truth of Pigs

April 16, 2009 
Jumping to Conclusions 
Sharon Jaynes

Today's Truth 
"Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free" (John 8:32)

Friend to Friend 
I read a bumper sticker once that read, "If mother's place is in the home, why am I always in the car?"  Welcome to the new millennium where the car is indeed the moving extension of the home.  Whether it's a mother running carpool, a business woman sitting in commuter traffic, or a senior citizen volunteering in the community, the fact is, we live much of our lives in the car.   That means God is in the car with us and speaks to its mobile inhabitants. One such "moving" experience taught me about the importance of not jumping to conclusions.

John 8:32 is one of my favorite Bible verses.  So much so, that I had the fine people at the license plate bureau make me a personalized plate that read just that - JOHN 8:32.   The verse reads, "Then you will know the truth and the truth will set you free."

My good friend Mari noticed my license plate for the first time as we passed one day on the highway, and made a mental note to look up the verse when she arrived home.  After she found the verse, she spent some time meditating and wondering why in the world I would put that verse on my license plate. She looked again to see if she was missing some deep meaning. Maybe it was a joke.

Mari gave me a call and asked, "What possessed you to put a Bible verse about pigs on your license plate?"

"What are you talking about, Mari?"

"You know.  You have Luke 8:32 on your license plate."

The problem was, Mari had remembered the verse as Luke 8:32, not John 8:32.  That verse read, "Now there was a herd of many swine feeding there on the mountain; and the demons entreated him to permit them to enter the swine.  And He gave them permission."  Can't you see it now, bumper stickers that read, "When pigs flew, Luke 8:32." Or, a Chick-fil-A billboard with Luke 8:32 written in the bottom right hand corner with a pig saying "Eat More Chicken."

After I set Mari straight, telling her that she had the right verse but the wrong book, we had a good chuckle.  However, it was a "moving" experience for me.  The next time I question someone's motives or actions, I need to remember that I usually don't have all the facts.  I might have the right chapter and even the right verse, but I may be in the wrong book altogether. And that can make the difference between demon possessed pigs and the truth that will set you free.

Let's Pray 
Dear Lord, help me to not jump to conclusions and make quick judgments.  Help me always to realize that I don't have all the facts when it comes to another person's attitude, actions and reactions.  Give me a gracious and loving spirit that always thinks the best of others and closed lips when I don't.

In Jesus' Name, 
Amen

Now It's Your Turn  

• Think of a time when you jumped to a conclusion and it turned out to be completely wrong.  
• How would it have been better to wait until you had all the facts?  
• What emotions could have been avoided if you had waited to get the facts correct?

to share with you :)

April 13, 2009 
God Pursues Us 
Mary Southerland

Today's Truth 
Romans 5:8 "But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners" (NLT).

Friend To Friend 
Jesus was on his way to Galilee from Judea.  In Jesus' day, the Jews hated the Samaritans and would never purposely travel through their land.  There were other roads, better and safer roads Jesus could have taken and usually did take -- but not today.  Today, he had a divine appointment.  Today he chose to go through the region of Samaria and he chose to go through Sychar, the small village where a certain woman lived. Meeting this woman was no accident on the part of Jesus Christ.  With great determination and forethought, he planned a divine interruption in her life, an interlude in which His love and forgiveness met her at the point of her greatest need.  He planned to set her free.

Little is known about this woman and what we do know is not good.  She was immoral and spiritually ignorant, an outcast despised by the Jews and even by her own people.  She was very popular with the men of the village who bought her to satisfy their own physical pleasure and then tossed her aside like a broken, damaged and used doll.  I am certain this woman had no illusions about the fact that she meant absolutely nothing to these men.  In the beginning, she may have convinced herself that they cared for her and perhaps even loved her, but I imagine that illusion was short-lived.  In fact, while studying her life, I have many times wondered if there had ever been a man in her life that she could love or trust.  I do not know what drove this woman to such an empty and futile existence, but I do know as far as Jesus was concerned, that old life was over!  It did not matter to Him.  He looked at this woman through eyes of healing and forgiveness and saw His precious child.  He just loved her -- right where she was and just as she was.  It is very clear in this scriptural account that this woman at the well was extremely important to Jesus.   He recognized her worth. 

The life of this woman reminds me of the little boy who built a wooden boat. For hours he worked, whittling and carving, until it was exactly as he had dreamed it would be.  After sanding and painting the small boat, the little boy raced outside to the nearby river where the launch of his cherished creation would take place. It was beautiful. Every day, the young captain sailed his boat up and down the lazy river, his active imagination weaving tales of pirates and treasures, mermaids and sea monsters, every story ending with the return of his seaworthy vessel.  Then one day, after a torrential rain, the little boy sailed his boat on the burgeoning stream.  Too late, he realized that the swift current was taking his boat out of reach.  He frantically tried to retrieve the boat, but it was moving too fast and he ran out of shoreline.  The boat was lost.  Brokenhearted, he stood on the bank of the river, staring into the fading light as his precious boat sailed away from him.  When darkness came, the brokenhearted boy turned and slowly walked away. 

Several days later, he was on his way home from school when he passed the toy store.  There in the window was his boat!   Someone had found it!   Dropping his backpack, the boy slammed through the door of the toy store and with an anxious heart, the little boy told the owner that the boat in the window belonged to him. But the owner was not convinced and told the boy he would have to pay for the boat.  "Can you please, please hold it for me?" the little boy begged.  "Just until the store closes today," the owner replied.  Frantic, but determined to have his boat, the little boy ran home, grabbed his piggy bank and bolted back to the store.  Minutes later, he walked out of the toy store, the boat securely in his hands.  "You are twice mine, little boat," the boy whispered, "once because I made you and once because I bought you."

Just as Jesus came looking for the Samaritan woman, He comes looking for you, willing to step right into the mess of your life with the gift of healing love and life-changing restoration in His hands.  The price Jesus paid was enormous but he gladly paid that price to buy back what He had created.  Like this woman at the well, we are important because God made us and because God pursues us.   What hope we find in Paul's words written in the book of Romans 5:8, "But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners" (NLT).

Jokes again

nope... not original..from me that is...

Direct Line

The Chief Rabbi of Israel and the Pope are in a meeting in Rome. The Rabbi notices an unusally fancy phone on a side table in the Pope's private chambers. "What is that phone for?" he asks the pontiff. 

"It's my direct line to the Lord." The Rabbi is skeptical, and the Pope notices. The Holy Father insists the Rabbi try it out, and, indeed, he is connected to the Lord. The Rabbi holds a lengthy discussion with Him. 

After hanging up the Rabbi says, "Thank you very much. This is great! But listen, I want to pay for my phone charges." The Pope, of course, refuses, but the Rabbi is steadfast and finally, the pontiff gives in. 

He checks the counter on the phone and says, "All right! The charges were 100,000 Lira" ($56). The Chief Rabbi gladly hands over the payment. 

A few months later, the Pope is in Jerusalem on an official visit. In The the Chief Rabbi's chambers, he sees a phone identical to his and learns it is also is a direct line to the Lord. The Pope remembers he has an urgent matter that requires divine consultation and asks if he can use the Rabbi's phone. The Rabbi gladly agrees, hands him the phone, and the Pope chats away. 

After hanging up, the Pope offers to pay for the phone charges. Of course, the Chief Rabbi refuses to accept payment. After the Pope insists, the Rabbi relents and looks on the phone counter.Shekel 50" ($0.42). 

The Pope looks surprised, "Why so cheap?" 

The Rabbi smiles, "Local call."

2 friends

Two friends were walking through the desert. During some point of the journey, they had an argument; and one friend slapped the other one in the face

 

 

The one who got slapped was hurt, but without saying anything, wrote in the sand, today my best friend slapped me in the face.

 

They kept on walking, until they found an oasis, where they decided to take a bath.

 

The one who had been slapped got stuck in the mire and started drowning, but the friend saved him. After he recovered from the near drowning, he wrote on a stone:

"Today my best friend saved my life"

 

The friend who had slapped and saved his best friend asked him, "after i hurt you, you wrote in the sand and now, you write on a stone, why?"

 

The friend replied: "when someone hurts us we should write it down in sand, where winds of forgiveness can erase it away. But, when someone does something good for us, we must engrave it in stone where no wind can ever erase it"

 

Learn to write your hurts in the sand and to carve your benefits in stone.

 

Take the time to live!

 

Do not value the things

You have in your life, but value

Who you have in your life!

 

"Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle."

 

 

Some Christian Jokes

Signs on Church Property

"No God-No Peace. Know God-Know Peace." 

"Free Trip to heaven. Details Inside!" 

"Try our Sundays. They are better than Baskin Robbins." 

"Searching for a new look? Have your faith lifted here!" 

An ad for St. Joseph's Episcopal Church has a picture of two hands holding stone tablets on which the Ten Commandments are inscribed and a headline that reads, "For fast, fast, fast relief, take two tablets." 

When the restaurant next to the Lutheran Church put out a big sign with red letters that said, "Open Sundays," the church reciprocated with its own message: "We are open on Sundays, too." 

"Have trouble sleeping? We have sermons - come hear one!" 

A singing group called "The Resurrection" was scheduled to sing at a church. When a big snowstorm postponed the performance, the pastor fixed the outside sign to read, "The Resurrection is postponed." 

"People are like tea bags - you have to put them in hot water before you know how strong they are." 

"God so loved the world that He did not send a committee." 

"Come in and pray today. Beat the Christmas rush!" 

"When down in the mouth, remember Jonah. He came out all right." 

"Sign broken. Message inside this Sunday." 

"Fight truth decay - study the Bible daily." 

"How will you spend eternity-Smoking or Non-smoking?" 

"Dusty Bibles lead to Dirty Lives" 

"Come work for the Lord. The work is hard, the hours are long and the pay is low. But the retirement benefits are out of this world." 

"It is unlikely there'll be a reduction in the wages of sin." 

"Do not wait for the hearse to take you to church." 

"If you're headed in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns." 

"Looking at the way some people live, they ought to obtain eternal fire insurance soon." 

"This is a ch_ rch. What is missing?" 

"Forbidden fruit creates many jams." 

"In the dark? Follow the Son."

The Devil And The Golfer

A golfer was having a difficult time to sink a putt. As he was mumbling to himself, a stranger walks up to him and whispers, "Would you give up a fourth of your sex life?" 

The golfer thought the man is crazy and that his answer will be meaningless anyway. Thinking that his answer would put him in the right frame of mind to make the difficult putt, he answered, "OK." And sinks the putt. 

Two holes later he mumbles to himself, "Boy, if I could only get an eagle on this hole." 

The same stranger moves to his side and says, "Would it be worth another fourth of your sex life?" 

The golfer shrugs and says, "Sure." And he makes an eagle. 

Down to the final hole. The golfer needs yet another eagle to win. Though he says nothing, the stranger moves to his side and says, "Would you be willing to give up the rest of your sex life to win this match?" 

The golfer says, "Certainly." And makes the eagle. 

As the golfer walks to the club house, the stranger walks alongside and says,"You know, I've really not been fair with you because you don't know who I am. I'm the devil and from now on you will have no sex life." 

"Nice to meet you," says the golfer. "My name's Father O'Malley."

Thou Shalt Think before thou open Thine Mouth

Here are seven reasons why you should think before you speak -
the last one is great!
Have you ever spoken and wished that you could
immediately take the words back...
Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did....

1st TESTIMONY:
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow
and asked loudly,
'How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?'
I turned around and walked back out and never went back
My husband didn't say a word..
he knew better.

2nd TESTIMONY:
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls.
I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using.
After browsing for several minutes,
I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store.
He asked if he could help me.
Without thinking, I looked at him and said, 'I think I like playing with men's balls'

3rd TESTIMONY:
My sister and I were at the mall and
passed by a store that sold a
variety of candy and nuts.
As we were looking at the display case,
the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help.
I replied, 'No, I'm just looking at your nuts.'
My sister started to laugh hysterically.
The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.
To this day,
my sister has never let me forget.

4th TESTIMONY :
While in line at the bank one afternoon,
my toddler decided to release
some pent-up energy and ran amok.
I was finally able to grab hold of
her after receiving looks of disgust
and annoyance from other patrons.
I told her that if she did not start behaving
'right now' she would be punished.
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening,
'If you don't let me go right now,
I will tell Grandma that I saw you
kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!'
The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange.
Even the tellers stopped what they were doing.
I mustered up the last of my dignity and
walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow.
The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.

 

5th TESTIMONY:
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times?
My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly.
One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch, in between errands
It was very busy, with a full dining room.
While enjoying my taco,
I smelled something funny,
so of course I checked
my seven-month-old daughter, she was clean.
The realized that Danny
had not asked to go potty in a while.
I asked him if he needed to go,
and he said 'No' .
I kept thinking
'Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me.'
Then I said,
'Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?'
'No,' he replied.
I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse.
Soooooo, I asked one more time, 'Danny did you have an accident ? This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants,
bent over, spread his cheeks
and yelled
'SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!'
While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing,
he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.
An old couple made me feel better,
thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!

 

6th TESTIMOMY:

A radio DJ in Malaysia asked her listeners to call and answer some trivial questions. The first

to answer correctly would get a

prize from the sponsor.

She asked, "What is the household name for sodium chloride".

An eager housewife called in but she did not know the answer, she asked for a tip.

The DJ hinted " Something you put on your husband's eggs in the morning".

The housewife confidently answered, 

" Talcum Powder " 

The DJ did not return until after a few songs.

LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:

 

This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days
and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will,
in the future, likely think before she speaks.
What happens when you predict snow but don't get any!
We had a female news anchor that,
the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't,
turned to the weatherman and asked:
'So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?'
Not only did HE have to leave the set,
but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!

 

Now, didn't that feel good?
Pass it on to someone you know who needs a laugh
and remember
we all say things we don't really mean,
so think before you speak!!!

Personals...

From Isabel, therefore i post...out of fun...

From this website: http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are not looking merely for a girl/boyfriend - you are looking for your life partner. Perhaps you should be more open-minded about who you spend time with. The person you are looking for might hide their charm under their exterior.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education

You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:

You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

moan,groan, schmoan

jyannie....why did you remind me...i'm busy lar...

sigh...

OK la here are the long awaited questions.

1) Why did the chicken cross the road?

 

Because it needed a "hen".

2) Why did it cross the road again?

Because it thought two "hens" were better then one.

3) Half way back to the road it changed it's mind and went back to the coop, why?

Because it remembered it's mother saying something about two's a company,three's a crowd.

4) It's returned to cross the road again, this time with the entire flock of hens, why?

Because, many "hens" make work light.

5) Many hours later, it returned to the road again with the same flock. why?

Work's finished and done with. Therefore IT'S TIME TO GO BACK AND SLEEP!

Duuuuhhhhh....

P.S: For these questions, Ben10 told me "I don't want to talk you". which lasted less than a minute. LoL!!!

worth watching ppl :)

Sharing the lurve...

http://www.theinterviewwithgod.com/popup-frame.html