2 friends

Two friends were walking through the desert. During some point of the journey, they had an argument; and one friend slapped the other one in the face

 

 

The one who got slapped was hurt, but without saying anything, wrote in the sand, today my best friend slapped me in the face.

 

They kept on walking, until they found an oasis, where they decided to take a bath.

 

The one who had been slapped got stuck in the mire and started drowning, but the friend saved him. After he recovered from the near drowning, he wrote on a stone:

"Today my best friend saved my life"

 

The friend who had slapped and saved his best friend asked him, "after i hurt you, you wrote in the sand and now, you write on a stone, why?"

 

The friend replied: "when someone hurts us we should write it down in sand, where winds of forgiveness can erase it away. But, when someone does something good for us, we must engrave it in stone where no wind can ever erase it"

 

Learn to write your hurts in the sand and to carve your benefits in stone.

 

Take the time to live!

 

Do not value the things

You have in your life, but value

Who you have in your life!

 

"Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle."

 

 

Some Christian Jokes

Signs on Church Property

"No God-No Peace. Know God-Know Peace." 

"Free Trip to heaven. Details Inside!" 

"Try our Sundays. They are better than Baskin Robbins." 

"Searching for a new look? Have your faith lifted here!" 

An ad for St. Joseph's Episcopal Church has a picture of two hands holding stone tablets on which the Ten Commandments are inscribed and a headline that reads, "For fast, fast, fast relief, take two tablets." 

When the restaurant next to the Lutheran Church put out a big sign with red letters that said, "Open Sundays," the church reciprocated with its own message: "We are open on Sundays, too." 

"Have trouble sleeping? We have sermons - come hear one!" 

A singing group called "The Resurrection" was scheduled to sing at a church. When a big snowstorm postponed the performance, the pastor fixed the outside sign to read, "The Resurrection is postponed." 

"People are like tea bags - you have to put them in hot water before you know how strong they are." 

"God so loved the world that He did not send a committee." 

"Come in and pray today. Beat the Christmas rush!" 

"When down in the mouth, remember Jonah. He came out all right." 

"Sign broken. Message inside this Sunday." 

"Fight truth decay - study the Bible daily." 

"How will you spend eternity-Smoking or Non-smoking?" 

"Dusty Bibles lead to Dirty Lives" 

"Come work for the Lord. The work is hard, the hours are long and the pay is low. But the retirement benefits are out of this world." 

"It is unlikely there'll be a reduction in the wages of sin." 

"Do not wait for the hearse to take you to church." 

"If you're headed in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns." 

"Looking at the way some people live, they ought to obtain eternal fire insurance soon." 

"This is a ch_ rch. What is missing?" 

"Forbidden fruit creates many jams." 

"In the dark? Follow the Son."

The Devil And The Golfer

A golfer was having a difficult time to sink a putt. As he was mumbling to himself, a stranger walks up to him and whispers, "Would you give up a fourth of your sex life?" 

The golfer thought the man is crazy and that his answer will be meaningless anyway. Thinking that his answer would put him in the right frame of mind to make the difficult putt, he answered, "OK." And sinks the putt. 

Two holes later he mumbles to himself, "Boy, if I could only get an eagle on this hole." 

The same stranger moves to his side and says, "Would it be worth another fourth of your sex life?" 

The golfer shrugs and says, "Sure." And he makes an eagle. 

Down to the final hole. The golfer needs yet another eagle to win. Though he says nothing, the stranger moves to his side and says, "Would you be willing to give up the rest of your sex life to win this match?" 

The golfer says, "Certainly." And makes the eagle. 

As the golfer walks to the club house, the stranger walks alongside and says,"You know, I've really not been fair with you because you don't know who I am. I'm the devil and from now on you will have no sex life." 

"Nice to meet you," says the golfer. "My name's Father O'Malley."

Thou Shalt Think before thou open Thine Mouth

Here are seven reasons why you should think before you speak -
the last one is great!
Have you ever spoken and wished that you could
immediately take the words back...
Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did....

1st TESTIMONY:
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow
and asked loudly,
'How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?'
I turned around and walked back out and never went back
My husband didn't say a word..
he knew better.

2nd TESTIMONY:
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls.
I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using.
After browsing for several minutes,
I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store.
He asked if he could help me.
Without thinking, I looked at him and said, 'I think I like playing with men's balls'

3rd TESTIMONY:
My sister and I were at the mall and
passed by a store that sold a
variety of candy and nuts.
As we were looking at the display case,
the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help.
I replied, 'No, I'm just looking at your nuts.'
My sister started to laugh hysterically.
The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.
To this day,
my sister has never let me forget.

4th TESTIMONY :
While in line at the bank one afternoon,
my toddler decided to release
some pent-up energy and ran amok.
I was finally able to grab hold of
her after receiving looks of disgust
and annoyance from other patrons.
I told her that if she did not start behaving
'right now' she would be punished.
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening,
'If you don't let me go right now,
I will tell Grandma that I saw you
kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!'
The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange.
Even the tellers stopped what they were doing.
I mustered up the last of my dignity and
walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow.
The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.

 

5th TESTIMONY:
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times?
My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly.
One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch, in between errands
It was very busy, with a full dining room.
While enjoying my taco,
I smelled something funny,
so of course I checked
my seven-month-old daughter, she was clean.
The realized that Danny
had not asked to go potty in a while.
I asked him if he needed to go,
and he said 'No' .
I kept thinking
'Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me.'
Then I said,
'Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?'
'No,' he replied.
I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse.
Soooooo, I asked one more time, 'Danny did you have an accident ? This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants,
bent over, spread his cheeks
and yelled
'SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!'
While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing,
he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.
An old couple made me feel better,
thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!

 

6th TESTIMOMY:

A radio DJ in Malaysia asked her listeners to call and answer some trivial questions. The first

to answer correctly would get a

prize from the sponsor.

She asked, "What is the household name for sodium chloride".

An eager housewife called in but she did not know the answer, she asked for a tip.

The DJ hinted " Something you put on your husband's eggs in the morning".

The housewife confidently answered, 

" Talcum Powder " 

The DJ did not return until after a few songs.

LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:

 

This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days
and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will,
in the future, likely think before she speaks.
What happens when you predict snow but don't get any!
We had a female news anchor that,
the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't,
turned to the weatherman and asked:
'So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?'
Not only did HE have to leave the set,
but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!

 

Now, didn't that feel good?
Pass it on to someone you know who needs a laugh
and remember
we all say things we don't really mean,
so think before you speak!!!

Personals...

From Isabel, therefore i post...out of fun...

From this website: http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are not looking merely for a girl/boyfriend - you are looking for your life partner. Perhaps you should be more open-minded about who you spend time with. The person you are looking for might hide their charm under their exterior.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education

You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:

You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

moan,groan, schmoan

jyannie....why did you remind me...i'm busy lar...

sigh...

OK la here are the long awaited questions.

1) Why did the chicken cross the road?

 

Because it needed a "hen".

2) Why did it cross the road again?

Because it thought two "hens" were better then one.

3) Half way back to the road it changed it's mind and went back to the coop, why?

Because it remembered it's mother saying something about two's a company,three's a crowd.

4) It's returned to cross the road again, this time with the entire flock of hens, why?

Because, many "hens" make work light.

5) Many hours later, it returned to the road again with the same flock. why?

Work's finished and done with. Therefore IT'S TIME TO GO BACK AND SLEEP!

Duuuuhhhhh....

P.S: For these questions, Ben10 told me "I don't want to talk you". which lasted less than a minute. LoL!!!