From Arcamax
Lab Lawyers
At a convention of biological scientists, one prominant researcher remarked to another, "Did you know that in our lab we have switched from mice to lawyers for our experiments?"
"Really?" the other researcher replied. "Why did you switch?"
"Well, for three reasons. First we found that lawyers are far more plentiful. Second, the lab assistants don't get so attached to them, and thirdly there are some things even a rat won't do."
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Umpire Humor
Q: What do umpires and girls have in common?
A: They both make a lot of calls.
Q: What's the difference between a rain barrel and a bad fielder?
A: One catches drops; the other drops catches.
Q: Why did the umpire penalize the chicken?
A: For using fowl language.
Q: What's the difference between an umpire and a pickpocket.
A: One watches steals; the other steals watches.
Q: What do tough teachers and umpires have in common?
A: They penalize you for errors.
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Sad Man
A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, "Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?"
The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?"
The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied, "My wife's first husband."
