This is an old one, but worth retelling.
 
A local business was looking for office help.  They put a sign in the window saying: 
"HELP WANTED.  Must be able to type, must be good with a computer and must be bilingual.  We are an Equal Opportunity Employer." 
A short time afterwards, a golden Retriever dog trotted up to the  window, saw the sign and went inside.  He looked at the receptionist and  wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined. 
Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager.  The office  manager looked at the dog and was surprised, to say the least.  However,  the dog looked determined, so he led him into the office.  Inside, the  dog jumped up on the chair and stared at the manager.  The manager said,  "I can't hire you.  The sign says you have to be able to type." 
The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to type out a  perfect letter.  He took out the page and trotted over to the manager  and gave it to him, then jumped back on the chair.  The manager was  stunned, but then told the dog, "The sign says you have to be good with a  computer." 
The dog jumped down again and went to the computer.  The dog proceeded  to demonstrate his expertise with various programs and produced a sample  spreadsheet and database and presented them to the manager.  By this  time the manager was totally dumbfounded!  He looked at the dog and  said, "I realize that you are a very intelligent dog and have some  interesting abilities.  However, I *still* can't give you the job." 
The dog jumped down and went to a copy of the sign and put his paw on  the part about being an Equal Opportunity Employer.  The manager said,  "Yes, but the sign *also* says that you have to be bilingual." The dog  looked at him straight in the face and said, "Meow."  
They say "spread your WINGS and FLY! There isn't a thing to stop you!!" But they have forgotten that they are the ones who have clipped all the feathers on my wings. How can a bird fly if it's wings are featherless? Therefore, my Life is masked. People see me on the surface and think I'm drunk on Happy Juice 24/7..but they don't know what I go through everyday.
Monday, August 30, 2010
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Mad Mom -From Email
Late one  Saturday evening, I was awakened by the ringing of my phone.  In a  sleepy grumpy voice I said hello.  The party on the other end of the  line paused for a moment before rushing breathlessly into a lengthy  speech. 
"Mom, this is Susan and I'm sorry I woke you up, but I had to call because I'm going to be a little late getting home. See, Dad's car has a flat but it's not my fault. Honest! I don't know what happened. The tire just went flat while we were inside the theater. Please don't be mad, okay?"
Since I don't have any daughters, I knew the person had dialed my number by mistake.
"I'm sorry dear," I replied, "but you've reached the wrong number. I don't have a daughter named Susan."
"Wow, Mom," the young woman's voice replied, "I didn't think you'd be this mad."
"Mom, this is Susan and I'm sorry I woke you up, but I had to call because I'm going to be a little late getting home. See, Dad's car has a flat but it's not my fault. Honest! I don't know what happened. The tire just went flat while we were inside the theater. Please don't be mad, okay?"
Since I don't have any daughters, I knew the person had dialed my number by mistake.
"I'm sorry dear," I replied, "but you've reached the wrong number. I don't have a daughter named Susan."
"Wow, Mom," the young woman's voice replied, "I didn't think you'd be this mad."
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