Some Christian Jokes

Signs on Church Property

"No God-No Peace. Know God-Know Peace." 

"Free Trip to heaven. Details Inside!" 

"Try our Sundays. They are better than Baskin Robbins." 

"Searching for a new look? Have your faith lifted here!" 

An ad for St. Joseph's Episcopal Church has a picture of two hands holding stone tablets on which the Ten Commandments are inscribed and a headline that reads, "For fast, fast, fast relief, take two tablets." 

When the restaurant next to the Lutheran Church put out a big sign with red letters that said, "Open Sundays," the church reciprocated with its own message: "We are open on Sundays, too." 

"Have trouble sleeping? We have sermons - come hear one!" 

A singing group called "The Resurrection" was scheduled to sing at a church. When a big snowstorm postponed the performance, the pastor fixed the outside sign to read, "The Resurrection is postponed." 

"People are like tea bags - you have to put them in hot water before you know how strong they are." 

"God so loved the world that He did not send a committee." 

"Come in and pray today. Beat the Christmas rush!" 

"When down in the mouth, remember Jonah. He came out all right." 

"Sign broken. Message inside this Sunday." 

"Fight truth decay - study the Bible daily." 

"How will you spend eternity-Smoking or Non-smoking?" 

"Dusty Bibles lead to Dirty Lives" 

"Come work for the Lord. The work is hard, the hours are long and the pay is low. But the retirement benefits are out of this world." 

"It is unlikely there'll be a reduction in the wages of sin." 

"Do not wait for the hearse to take you to church." 

"If you're headed in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns." 

"Looking at the way some people live, they ought to obtain eternal fire insurance soon." 

"This is a ch_ rch. What is missing?" 

"Forbidden fruit creates many jams." 

"In the dark? Follow the Son."

The Devil And The Golfer

A golfer was having a difficult time to sink a putt. As he was mumbling to himself, a stranger walks up to him and whispers, "Would you give up a fourth of your sex life?" 

The golfer thought the man is crazy and that his answer will be meaningless anyway. Thinking that his answer would put him in the right frame of mind to make the difficult putt, he answered, "OK." And sinks the putt. 

Two holes later he mumbles to himself, "Boy, if I could only get an eagle on this hole." 

The same stranger moves to his side and says, "Would it be worth another fourth of your sex life?" 

The golfer shrugs and says, "Sure." And he makes an eagle. 

Down to the final hole. The golfer needs yet another eagle to win. Though he says nothing, the stranger moves to his side and says, "Would you be willing to give up the rest of your sex life to win this match?" 

The golfer says, "Certainly." And makes the eagle. 

As the golfer walks to the club house, the stranger walks alongside and says,"You know, I've really not been fair with you because you don't know who I am. I'm the devil and from now on you will have no sex life." 

"Nice to meet you," says the golfer. "My name's Father O'Malley."

Thou Shalt Think before thou open Thine Mouth

Here are seven reasons why you should think before you speak -
the last one is great!
Have you ever spoken and wished that you could
immediately take the words back...
Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did....

1st TESTIMONY:
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow
and asked loudly,
'How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?'
I turned around and walked back out and never went back
My husband didn't say a word..
he knew better.

2nd TESTIMONY:
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls.
I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using.
After browsing for several minutes,
I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store.
He asked if he could help me.
Without thinking, I looked at him and said, 'I think I like playing with men's balls'

3rd TESTIMONY:
My sister and I were at the mall and
passed by a store that sold a
variety of candy and nuts.
As we were looking at the display case,
the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help.
I replied, 'No, I'm just looking at your nuts.'
My sister started to laugh hysterically.
The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.
To this day,
my sister has never let me forget.

4th TESTIMONY :
While in line at the bank one afternoon,
my toddler decided to release
some pent-up energy and ran amok.
I was finally able to grab hold of
her after receiving looks of disgust
and annoyance from other patrons.
I told her that if she did not start behaving
'right now' she would be punished.
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening,
'If you don't let me go right now,
I will tell Grandma that I saw you
kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!'
The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange.
Even the tellers stopped what they were doing.
I mustered up the last of my dignity and
walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow.
The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.

 

5th TESTIMONY:
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times?
My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly.
One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch, in between errands
It was very busy, with a full dining room.
While enjoying my taco,
I smelled something funny,
so of course I checked
my seven-month-old daughter, she was clean.
The realized that Danny
had not asked to go potty in a while.
I asked him if he needed to go,
and he said 'No' .
I kept thinking
'Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me.'
Then I said,
'Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?'
'No,' he replied.
I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse.
Soooooo, I asked one more time, 'Danny did you have an accident ? This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants,
bent over, spread his cheeks
and yelled
'SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!'
While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing,
he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.
An old couple made me feel better,
thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!

 

6th TESTIMOMY:

A radio DJ in Malaysia asked her listeners to call and answer some trivial questions. The first

to answer correctly would get a

prize from the sponsor.

She asked, "What is the household name for sodium chloride".

An eager housewife called in but she did not know the answer, she asked for a tip.

The DJ hinted " Something you put on your husband's eggs in the morning".

The housewife confidently answered, 

" Talcum Powder " 

The DJ did not return until after a few songs.

LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:

 

This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days
and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will,
in the future, likely think before she speaks.
What happens when you predict snow but don't get any!
We had a female news anchor that,
the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't,
turned to the weatherman and asked:
'So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?'
Not only did HE have to leave the set,
but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!

 

Now, didn't that feel good?
Pass it on to someone you know who needs a laugh
and remember
we all say things we don't really mean,
so think before you speak!!!

Personals...

From Isabel, therefore i post...out of fun...

From this website: http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are not looking merely for a girl/boyfriend - you are looking for your life partner. Perhaps you should be more open-minded about who you spend time with. The person you are looking for might hide their charm under their exterior.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education

You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:

You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

moan,groan, schmoan

jyannie....why did you remind me...i'm busy lar...

sigh...

OK la here are the long awaited questions.

1) Why did the chicken cross the road?

 

Because it needed a "hen".

2) Why did it cross the road again?

Because it thought two "hens" were better then one.

3) Half way back to the road it changed it's mind and went back to the coop, why?

Because it remembered it's mother saying something about two's a company,three's a crowd.

4) It's returned to cross the road again, this time with the entire flock of hens, why?

Because, many "hens" make work light.

5) Many hours later, it returned to the road again with the same flock. why?

Work's finished and done with. Therefore IT'S TIME TO GO BACK AND SLEEP!

Duuuuhhhhh....

P.S: For these questions, Ben10 told me "I don't want to talk you". which lasted less than a minute. LoL!!!

worth watching ppl :)

Sharing the lurve...

http://www.theinterviewwithgod.com/popup-frame.html

Next week....

MK's finally over. now looking forward to steamboat at philo on monday....

yum....

Got a set of lame question i wanna tell... will blog on tues i guess. Ja ne~

Marriage and men

Stuff men should be aware of before they get married and STAY aware of...

from: http://www.arcamax.com/jokes/s-191516-989687

- When a man decides to marry, it may be the last decision he'll ever make. 

- Some men who speak with authority at work know enough to bow to a higher authority at home 

- A dish towel will certainly wipe the contented look off a married man's face 

- Love is the quest, marriage is the conquest, divorce is the inquest. 

- An engagement is an urge on the verge of a merge. 

- Marriage brings music to a man's life. He learns to play second fiddle. 

- Getting married is one mistake every man should make. 

- A well-informed man is one whose wife has just told him what she thinks of him. 

- Courtship, unlike proper punctuation, is a period before a sentence. 

- The argument you just won with your wife isn't over yet. 

and lastly............ 

- Before criticizing your wife's faults, you must remember it may have been these very defects which prevented her from gettting a better husband that the one she married!

Getting to know a woman: the Quote Bank

"You don't know a women till you've met her in court." -Norman Mailer

"In politics, if you want anything said ask a man. If you want anything done, ask a woman." -Margaret Thatcher

"Brigands demand your money or your life; women require both." -Samuel Butler

"I love women. They're the best thing ever created. If they want to be like men and come down to our level, that's fine." -Mel Gibson

"I wonder why it is, that young men are always cautioned against bad girls. Anyone can handle a bad girl. It's the good girls men should be warned against." -David Niven (The Moon is Blue, 1953)

"One of the most difficult things in the world is to convince a woman that even a bargain costs money." -Edgar Watson Howe

"From birth to 18 a girl needs good parents; from 18 to 35, she needs good looks. From 35 to 55, good personality. From 55 on, she needs good cash. I'm saving my money." -Sophie Tucker

"When women go wrong, men go right after them." -Mae West

"A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's. She changes it more often." -Oliver Herford

"Why would I make one woman so miserable when I can make so many women very happy?" -Benny Hill

"A woman's guess is much more accurate than a man's certainty." -Rudyard Kipling

"My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects." -Les Dawson

"Man has will, but woman has her way." -Oliver Wendell Holmes

"If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning." -Aristotle Onassis

"A woman knows she's wearing the right dress, when her man wants to take it off." -Robert Paul

Translations for the Malaysian Truth: Sad but True

Here's the translation for the previous article. For those who do not understand Malay.

+ + +

Day after day Muslims are being bullied and oppressed. Not by the Chinese, the Indians, the Jews or the Christians. But they are oppressed by the Muslims/Malays themselves. After the yoga has been banned, these these are the coming fatwas:

December 2008
The Muslims are no longer allowed to swim in public pools, because the non-Muslims wear swim suits which are skimpy and does not cover their aurat( especially the foxy and sexy Chinese girls). This is detrimental to the Muslims akidah. Therefore the best way is to ban all Muslims from the public pools.

January 2009
Muslims are not allowed to go to Penang. The Chief Minister of Penang is a non-Muslim and the majority of people in Penang are non-Muslims. When a Muslim is in Penang, he may catch the tantalizing smell of char keoy tiaw cooked by the non-Muslims and may ruin his akidah. The best way is to ban the Muslims from entering Penang. Muslims now living in Penang will be given an allowance of RM 3000 to move out of Penang to any state they wish. Moving out to Kelantan and Terengganu is very, very much encouraged.

February 2009
Muslims are banned from drinking root beer. Although root beer does not contain any alcohol, however the word "beer" may caused a passion and inappropriate actions in the Muslim community. With the banning of root beer, Muslims may drink any soft drink without worries. Ginger beer is also banned.

March 2009
Muslims are not allowed to eat at mamak stalls. Although most mamaks are Muslims, but they have Indian origins and there may be Indian elements in their businesses such as speking Tamil and wearing shorts made in India. To avoid suspicion, from March 1, 2009 all Muslims are banned from eating at mamak stalls( except for Tun Mahatir as he is a Class 1 mamak)

April 2009 Muslims are not allowed to play ping pong or table tennis. Ping pong originates from China. Therefore it may contain Buddhist or Confucian elements. Muslims who play too much ping pong will spoil their akidah. As an alternative, Muslims are encouraged to play rag ball. However the rag ball must be a Malaysian product, not Thai.)

May 2009
Muslims working for the Government are banned from taking their pay, because the majority of the nations revenue comes from the taxes of non-Muslim companies. Muslims are encouraged to seek alms from other Muslims. To ease this endeavor, alms seekers to be are advised to squat in front of the UMNO building.

June 2009
Muslims are not allowed to go out of the country. There are just to many temptations that will ruin one's akidah. This matter has been research thoroughly on a field trip to Bangkok by the National Fatwa Council recently. Therefore Muslims are to return their passports to the Imigresion Depertment as soon as possible. Any trips out of the country is only allowed to ministers and UMNO's key men only, with the condition that a member of the National Fatwa Council accompanies him.

July 2009
Muslims are not allowed to think in the day. Most of the criminal cases and sins are perpetrated by jobless people who have nonsensical thinking. To eliminate crimes and sins, Muslims are banned from using their brains beginning July 1, 2009. Their thought will be monitored by the National Fatwa Council using a group of specially trained monkeys. Muslims may use their brains at night but for eating and drinking purposes only.


Please do not laugh. Many of the above will become a reality if we do not do anything. The rational-thinking Muslims in this country are simply not doing anything. We let a very small minority of narrow-minded idiots to control our lives. We, especially the Malay Muslims, are fast becoming a laughing stock worldwide. We are obsessed with the little little things.

When there are so many important things remain to be done why must the Fatwa folks spend their time on little things.. tomboys, yoga, etc, etc. Why don't we ever hear anything from the Fatwa folks for social justice, eradicating corruption and poverty, protecting single mothers, helping the poors, educating the ummah, protecting the environment or ensuring fairness in society.

If you are a rationale, forward thinking muslim, please speak up. If you choose to remain silent, it only means that you agree with whatever is happening. And do not blame the non-muslims for all our troubles. We are asking for it.

Original Author:
Bukhari Hood, Shah Alam

The Malaysian Truth: Sad but True

I really don't understand these people. No offense but if you preach that your religion is so good and whatever, why the hell do you need to impose all these laws, i.e. fatwa? unless of course you don't even trust your own God's greatness that you need to give the Big Man Upstairs a hand. If so, why the heck do you even wanna worship Him??
Hmmm...

Confession: I "stole" this from Ennie.
It is written by a MUSLIM, I kid you not. Scroll to the bottom if you don't believe me.
A sad but true thing about THE Malaysian "dark side".
Will be doing the translation soon. I hope XP
+ + +

Makin hari umat Islam makin ditindas dan dikongkong. Bukan oleh orang Cina, atau orang India atau orang Yahudi atau orang Kristian. Tetapi dianiya dan dikongkong oleh orang Islam/Melayu sendiri. Selepas fatwa pengharaman yoga, fatwa-fatwa yang akan datang adalah seperti berikut :

Disember 2008 Orang Islam dilarang mandi di kolam renang awam. Di kolam renang awam, akan terdapat orang-orang yang bukan Islam yang memakai pakaian renang yang singkat dan mendedahkan aurat (terutamanya amoi-amoi china yang cun dan seksi). Ini boleh menjejaskan akidah orang Islam. Cara yang paling baik ialah kita haramkan orang Islam dari kolam renang awam.

Januari 2009 Orang Islam dilarang pergi ke Pulau Pinang. Ketua Menteri Pulau Pinang adalah seorang yang bukan Islam and majoriti penduduk Pulau Pinang adalah orang yang bukan Islam. Apabila seorang Islam berada di Pulau Pinang , beliau mungkin terhidu bau char keoy tiaw yang dimasak oleh orang bukan Islam dan ini boleh merosakkan akidah kita. Cara yang paling baik ialah kita haramkan orang Islam dari pergi ke Pulau Pinang. Orang Islam yang kini tinggal di Pulau Pinang akan diberi elaun pindah sebanyak RM 3000 untuk membantu mereka berpindah ke negeri-negeri yang lain. Perpindahan ke negeri Kelantan dan Terengganu amat amat digalakkan.

Februari 2009 Orang Islam dilarang meminum root beer. Walaupun root beer tidak mengandungi alkohol, namun perkataan "beer" ini boleh menimbulkan keghairan dan kelakuan tidak senonon di kalangan orang Islam. Dengan pengharaman root beer, orang Islam bolehlah meminum minuman ringan yang lain tanpa was-was. Ginger beer juga diharamkan.

March 2009 Orang Islam dilarang memakan di kedai Mamak. Walaupun mamak kebanyakkannya Islam, tetapi asal usul mereka adalah India dan ada kemungkinan terdapat unsur-unsur India di dalam perniagaan mereka seperti bercakap Tamil dan memakai seluar dalam buatan India . Untuk mengelakkan sebarang syak wasangka, mulai 1 Mac 2009, orang Islam dilarang dari memakan di kedai mamak (kecuali Tun Mahatir kerana dia sendiri mamak kelas I)

April 2009 Orang Islam dilarang bermain ping pong atau table tennis. Ping pong berasal dari negeri China dan oleh yang demikian, mungkin terdapat unsur-unsur agama Buddha atau Confuciusism di dalam permainan ping pong. Orang Islam yang terlalu banyak bermain ping pong akan terjejas akidah mereka. Sebagai permainan alternatif, orang Islam digalakkan bermain sepak raga (tetapi bola raga mesti buatan Malaysia , bukan dari Thailand ).

Mei 2009 Orang Islam yang berkerja dengan kerajaan dilarang mengambil gaji masing-masing. Ini kerana sebahagian besar pendapatan kerajaan adalah cukai pendapatan yang dibayar oleh syarikat-syarikat orang bukan Islam. Orang Islam digalakkan meminta sedekah dari orang Islam yang lain. Untuk memudahkan permintaan sedekah, bakal peminta sedekah digalakkan mencangkung di hadapan bangunan UMNO.

Jun 2009 Orang Islam dilarang keluar negara. Terdapat terlalu banyak godaan yang boleh meruntuhkan akhlak dan akidah orang Islam. Perkara ini telahpun dikaji dengan teliti hasil lawatan sambil belajar ke Bangkok oleh Majlis Fatwa Kebangsaan baru-baru ini. Oleh yang demikian, orang orang Islam diminta menyerahkan balik paspot masing-masing ke jabatan immigresen secepat mungkin. Perjalanan keluar negara hanya dibenarkan untuk menteri-menteri dan orang kuat UMNO sahaja, itupun hanya jika diiringi oleh ahli Majlis Fatwa Kebangsaan.

Julai 2009 Orang Islam dilarang berfikir di waktu siang. Kebanyakkan masalah jenayah dan maksiat wujud kerana orang-orang yang tak ada kerja berfikir yang bukan-bukan. Untuk membenteras maslah jeneyah dan maksiat, orang-orang Islam mulai 1 Julai 2009, dilarang dari menggunakan otak mereka diwaktu siang. Pemikiran mereka akan dipantau oleh Majlis Fatwa Kebangsaan dengan menggunakan sekumpulan specially trained monkeys. Orang Islam boleh menggunakan otak mereka di waktu malam tetapi pemikiran dihadkan kepada perkara-perkara berkaitan dengan makan dan minum sahaja.

Please do not laugh. Many of the above will become a reality if we do not do anything. The rational-thinking muslims in this country are simply not doing anything. We let a very small minority of narrow-minded idiots to control our lives. We, especially the Malay muslims, are fast becoming a laughing stock worldwide. We are obsessed with the little little things.

When there are so many important things remain to be done why must the Fatwa folks spend their time on little things.. tomboys, yoga, etc, etc. Why don't we ever hear anything from the Fatwa folks for social justice, eradicating corruption and poverty, protecting single mothers, helping the poors, educating the ummah, protecting the environment or ensuring fairness in society.

If you are a rationale, forward thinking muslim, please speak up. If you choose to remain silent, it only means that you agree with whatever is happening. And do not blame the non-muslims for all our troubles. We are asking for it.

Original Author:
Bukhari Hood,Shah Alam

Lecturer vs. Student

You probably would have read this sometime in your life.. What the heck, just read it again and think AGAIN. :D

An Atheist Professor of Philosophy speaks to his Class on the Problem Science has with GOD, the ALMIGHTY.
He asks one of his New Christian Students to stand and . . .

Professor : You are a Christian, aren't you, son ?
Student : Yes, sir.
Professor : So you Believe in GOD ?
Student : Absolutely, sir.
Professor : Is GOD Good ?
Student : Sure.
Professor : Is GOD ALL - POWERFUL ?
Student : Yes.
Professor : My Brother died of Cancer even though he Prayed to GOD to Heal him.
Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill.
But GOD didn't.
How is this GOD good then? Hmm?

( Student is silent )
Professor : You can't answer, can you ?
Let's start again, Young Fella.
Is GOD Good?
Student : Yes.
Professor : Is Satan good ?
Student : No.
Professor : Where does Satan come from ?
Student : From . . . GOD . . .
Professor : That's right.
Tell me son, is there evil in this World?
Student : Yes.
Professor : Evil is everywhere, isn't it ?
And GOD did make everything. Correct?
Student : Yes.
Professor : So who created evil ?

(Student does not answer)

Professor : Is there Sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness?
All these terrible things exist in the World, don't they?
Student : Yes, sir..
Professor : So, who Created them ?
( Student has no answer )
Professor : Science says you have 5 Senses you use to Identify and Observe the World around you.
Tell me, son . . . Have you ever Seen GOD?
Student : No, sir.
Professor : Tell us if you have ever Heard your GOD?
Student : No , sir.
Professor : Have you ever Felt your GOD, Tasted your GOD, Smelt your GOD?
Have you ever had any Sensory Perception of GOD for that matter?
Student : No, sir. I'm afraid I haven't.
Professor : Yet you still Believe in HIM?
Student : Yes.
Professor : According to Empirical, Testable, Demonstrable Protocol, Science says your GOD doesn't exist.
What do you say to that, son?
Student : Nothing. I only have my Faith.
Professor : Yes, Faith. And that is the Problem Science has.
Student : Professor, is there such a thing as Heat?
Professor : Yes.
Student : And is there such a thing as Cold?
Professor : Yes.
Student : No sir. There isn't.

( The Lecture Theatre becomes very quiet with this turn of events )

Student : Sir, you can have Lots of Heat, even More Heat, Superheat, Mega Heat, White Heat,
a Little Heat or No Heat.
But we don't have anything called Cold.
We can hit 458 Degrees below Zero which is No Heat, but we can't go any further after that.
There is no such thing as Cold.
Cold is only a Word we use to describe the Absence of Heat.
We cannot Measure Cold.
Heat is Energy.
Cold is Not the Opposite of Heat, sir, just the Absence of it.

( There is Pin - Drop Silence in the Lecture Theatre )
Student : What about Darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as Darkness?
Professor : Yes. What is Night if there isn't Darkness?
Student : You're wrong again, sir.
Darkness is the Absence of Something…
You can have Low Light, Normal Light, Bright Light, Flashing Light . . .
But if you have No Light constantly, you have nothing and its called Darkness, isn't it?
In reality, Darkness isn't.
If it is, were you would be able to make Darkness Darker, wouldn't you?
Professor : So what is the point you are making, Young Man ?
Student : Sir, my point is your Philosophical Premise is flawed.
Professor : Flawed ? Can you explain how?
Student : Sir, you are working on the Premise of Duality.
You argue there is Life and then there is Death, a Good GOD and a Bad GOD.
You are viewing the Concept of GOD as something finite, something we can measure.
Sir, Science can't even explain a Thought.
It uses Electricity and Magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one.
To view Death as the Opposite of Life is to be ignorant of the fact that
Death cannot exist as a Substantive Thing.
Death is Not the Opposite of Life: just the Absence of it.
Now tell me, Professor, do you teach your Students that they evolved from a Monkey?
Professor : If you are referring to the Natural Evolutionary Process, yes, of course, I do.
Student : Have you ever observed Evolution with your own eyes, sir?

( The Professor shakes his head with a Smile, beginning to realize where the Argument is going )

Student : Since no one has ever observed the Process of Evolution at work and
Cannot even prove that this Process is an On - Going Endeavor,
Are you not teaching your Opinion, sir?
Are you not a Scientist but a Preacher?

( The Class is in Uproar )

Student : Is there anyone in the Class who has ever seen the Professor's Brain?

( The Class breaks out into Laughter )

Student : Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor's Brain, Felt it, touched or Smelt it? . . .
No one appears to have done so.
So, according to the Established Rules of Empirical, Stable, Demonstrable Protocol, Science says that
You have No Brain, sir.
With all due respect, sir, how do we then Trust your Lectures, sir?

(The Room is Silent. The Professor stares at the Student, his face unfathomable)

Professor : I guess you'll have to take them on Faith, son.
Student : That is it sir . . .
The Link between Man & GOD is FAITH.
That is all that Keeps Things Moving & Alive.

NB:
I believe you have enjoyed the Conversation . . . and if so . . .
You'll probably want your Friends / Colleagues to enjoy the same . . . won't you?
Forward them to Increase their Knowledge . . . or FAITH..

Stalker

First and foremost, please excuse the use of "beautiful" language in my blogs.
I know mant people would probably be scratching their heads on why am i apologizing but that's just the way i am..

Seriously, I'm really feeling buggered by a certain Malay moron who is stalking me. The bastard is obvious in his "exploits". I mean, just because i'm in the same group with that fellow TWICE does not equate me into being his WIFE. Plus, it wasn't my choice in the first place to be "hooked up" with him, thank you very much.

Maybe it's because of the couple project we did in the third week of sem? Puh-LEEZE! Get a life dammit! He totally galled me in there because he was a sleeping, no, SNORING member. Let me illustrate to you what an ass he is.

Incident #1:
He didn't do a single thing to help in the presentation using the lamest excuse of "oh, I'm sick. I need to go to the clinic" 2 MINUTES before our meeting. Best part was that I had been down with influenza, was spitting dark green phelgm for a whole bloody week (hadn't had the leisurely time to go to the clinic) and I was planning to go the clinic AFTER the meeting. That my friend, was at 2.30pm. He said, "please wait for awhile. I'll be there shortly" RIIIIIIIIIIGGHHHTTT...
He came at 4.30 pm. 2 hours is such a "short" wait.

Hey, I'm supposed to be the female around here!

*Ahem* Then the sucker cames in and had the guts to ask me, "So, what have you found?" What the ****?! It's not like the bloody presentation was given the day before, you ass. It was given out a whole friggin' week ago! Anyhow, i showed him all the stuff I got (nontheless very P.O.) and the fellow just says "just print everything out" and WALKS AWAY. Like my two hours can be refunded. @%*#*!!

The next day for our presentation, he came in late and didn't even bother to get the notes from me. Am I supposed to purposely go to his seat and give to him? Hell, no way. Especially if Mr. Muccho* thinks he's my BF or something. Two seconds before the presentation, the sucker comes up to me in a pompous voice saying "why didn't you give the notes to me?" My answer? "Since when it's my job to give it to you? You are the one who is supposed to find me."

Muccho* - Fat man who thinks he's Mr. Universe.

TEN pages worth of notes I gave to him(without the comparisons, of course. Why should i help a sleazebag?) and after his pathetic two minute presentation, he THROWS the notes at me and virtually shouted at me in class "you expect me to present with such few notes?"
TEN PAGES= SUCH FEW NOTES. What kind of logic/equation is that? I only had 3 pages worth and I did a better job!It's called preparation, no? Sucker then tries to suck up by saying "oh, i think you did a great job there." Y'think?!

Reply to suckeriffic sucker: "That's obvious because I found all the infomation AND printed out the stuff. By the way, you owe me 2 bucks for the printing" Which he grudgingly paid.

Incident #2:
Field Trip. Sucker can't go. Messages me to inform the lect. (Uh, why can't he just message the lect himself? Everyone has the lect's number!) Naturally, I didn't message him back. Then he made 7 calls and at least 20 messages on the thing.

HELLO. . YOU KNOW THAT'S THE PURPOSE OF THE FIELD TRIP. IT'S CALLED AN INTERVIEW CUM COUNSELLING. Why would I want to bother myself with a loser?

NOTE TO ALL:
When you text anyone "Please inform XXX about XXXX.", there's a cardinal rule.
THE PERSON IS NOT REQUIRED TO TEXT YOU BACK!

Next week he saw me, he asked me in a saccharin sweet way, "did you tell the lect?"
"I did. And you were disturbing my interview the entire way. One message was already enough."
"Why didn't you message me to inform me?"
"Was there a need to?"
"I sent you so many messages and called you so many times.."
"Then, you should have gotten the message."
"But that's a lot of money spent"
"That's your problem. Not mine." *and i walk away*

Ever since then he stalks me whenever he can. Thank God he's not in my course or I'll be vomitting blood. He follows me like a dog whenever he can. To the library, cafeteria, cybercafe. Lucky for him, he hadn't got the guts to go to my residential college because if he does I will disable his vital organ. Just last week he stood behind me in the cybercafe and read my mails for half an hour. I had been wondering what was the person beside me doing illegally because she kept looking behind her nervously.

UNTIL I read a joke and the bastard exclaims "Why are you laughing? That wasn't even funny."
****!! "Bugger off! This is my private mail!" He actually MADE A SOUR FACE!!!

Is he demented or WHAT??